I will die if light touches me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
