great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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