I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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