People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
