ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
