you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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