I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
