i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
