You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
