She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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