what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
