She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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