Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
