There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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