I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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