what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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