i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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