he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
