And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
