Buhtt sex?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
