Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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