Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
