my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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