yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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