How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
