1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
