I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
