my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
