have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
