I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
