Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I skipped work to stalk him.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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