halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
