the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
