Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
