Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
