so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
