just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
