Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
