OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Randomize
