Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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