I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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