Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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