Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
