life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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