sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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