i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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