Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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