I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
