Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
