It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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