so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
