Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
