Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
