the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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