I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
