i think my tv is drunk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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