Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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