what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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