shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
