I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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