fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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