Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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