Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
