i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
