just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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