I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
