My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
