I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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