he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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